Monday, 21 November 2016

Un - Clique the 'Clique'.

Mark 12:31 Love your neighbour as yourself not more than yourself or less than yourself. In simple terms, treat people how you want to be treated. It’s becoming a bit of a norm hearing women say they find it easier relating with men than with other women.


As we prepare for our upcoming "Mixer" for women in Lagos, Nigeria,  Someone told me plainly that it was a bad idea to bring a bunch of women who don’t know each other, to connect and mingle.

If ever there was anything so petty, I don’t think I’ve heard it before. But the sad fact is that a vast majority of women also think like this. Women will sit in small groups talking about each other instead of sitting in large groups talking to each other. Women have perfected the art of being cold and aloof to other women. They throw icy stares that will make a new comer feel inadequate before opening her mouth automatically disliking her for no apparent reason.

If you follow the hashtag #nonewfriends on instagram, you will find that an alarming number of posts come from women. It’s utterly ridiculous. But why is it so hard for women who are supposed to be the more sensitive sex to warm up to other women? There are so many factors outside feeling like they are competition and rivals; there is also jealousy, inferiority complex and pride. Getting to know a woman beyond her surface may surprise you. You may find that you have similar interests and values. The only rule to staying away from anyone both women and men is if they don’t add to you, if they don’t love and support you and if your goals, morals, and aspirations differ. If you can’t add value to someone’s life and they can’t add to yours, then there is really no reason to be friends, but there is also no reason to be unfriendly or be cold. But get to know them first. Don’t let pride get in the way of you meeting someone that may possibly change your life or vice versa.

Most women have a “mean girl” story that puts them off initiating friendship with other women. A story about a woman who made them feel small or bullied them mentally and socially. Its hard to get over things like that. So in order to avoid it, they avoid being in certain scenarios altogether.
Women are very sensitive to being left out so we tend to form our own solid army so in any gathering, we go together strong and even if nobody will talk to us there we have our crew. That makes logical sense. But not being in a “clique” or “crew” gives you the opportunity to spend more time on yourself, with your family, on your career and in meeting new people.

If you extend an arm of friendship to a female and she throws it in your face, it has nothing to with you and everything to do with her. It’s not your fault. Your self worth is not measured by another woman’s inability to see it. If you want to be successful, the first thing you need to recognize is that not only do YOU need new friends, but you’re also going to have to be a new friend.

Cliquing stopped being cool in high school. Expand your circle and make space for new people. 

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