Listening is an art and also a skill and like every other skill, it must be practiced, developed and then mastered for it to be efficient, effective in our relationships. Every person has a desire to be loved, and will not feel loved or important if the other party doesn’t allow them express their views. The rate at which the world Is going technological, everything is done on social media and people rarely spend adequate physical time with loved ones. Yes, one can listen via chatting by giving the other party an opportunity to express themselves well, but nothing beats physical time because you can be able to read body signs, emotions, eyes etc. a person who has learnt the art of listening will never lack friends, because people will be comfortable with them.
HOW CAN I BE MORE EFFECTIVE AT LISTENING?
Listen to understand: how many times have we heard this and yet failed to obey, especially when there’s pressure? Most of us listen to reply, and the worst is that some others don’t listen at all. Now when you are listening, especially to understand (and sometimes may involve making excuses for that person) all of your attention must be on what that person is saying, being empathetic to his or her feelings and thoughts no matter how unnecessary that person sounds. Listening to understand also involves not preparing an answer before hearing the other party.
Watch your words/replies: In the cases of counselling sessions, or whenever,give people ample time to express and reveal the true cause of problem, take time to understand issues involved, before advice is given. Criticism should be totally avoided. Correction should be held back until he or she has expressed and poured out their hearts as much as they want to. Correction should be done in love and not condemning as condemnation will only lead to the other party punishing themselves the more. In relationships, for listening to be more effective, stay away from finishing words for the other party.
Maintain eye contact / Body Language: let your body language read availability, openness, understanding, compassion and empathy. Also, that you desire above any other thing to be where you are – listening to that person.
Don’t swallow your thoughts: Remember, you aren’t shutting up your feelings. You are only trying to hear the views of others. You understand the importance pf timing, and you are waiting for the perfect time. Also, learn how to communicate your views with compassion and sincerity.
Finally, Know when to talk, and when to be quiet. Especially in relationships. The cause of most divorces, today is what the courts call ‘irreconcilable differences’, that most times started because of lack of effective communication, and the other person had been bottling everything. When one person keeps doing the talking, that’s selfishness. Any relationship with this kind of trait hardly ever lasts. When taking decisions, merge the views of yourself and the other person in wisdom.
I wish you success in your relationships.
Thank you for reading,
Remain Purposeful and Poised.
About Nneka Nwagu Uloaku
Nneka is a fashion Entrepreneur and a graduate of law of Lagos State University, Nigeria. She is a lover of love, character, self development, family and fashion. Her major INSPIRATIONS are God, and experiences . Nneka is an inspirational writer / blogger, For more, follow her at @purpose_and_poise on IG and Twitter at @purpose_n_poise
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